he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
