He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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