Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
