it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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