i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think my moral compass just broke
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