Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
