the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
