I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
