She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
