we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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