I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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