This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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