She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
