He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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