just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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