wanna go halves on a baby?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
