were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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