Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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