You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
