I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
