well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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