absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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