So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
