I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
