i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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