i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
