he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
