make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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