Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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