is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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