Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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