you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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