i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
