It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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