The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
