I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
