It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
