i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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