I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You ate ashes out of my bong
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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