Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
