I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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