The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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