i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
