The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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