So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
