i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
