i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
