Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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