her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
