you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
