It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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