So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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