This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
