girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
