I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
