I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
