So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
