My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
