so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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