What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
