Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
