I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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