She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
