My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
