im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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