On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
