so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
