the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
