If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
