like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
