i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
