I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
